~Welcome to my world-I hope you like what you see. If you don't, adeiu-but to all Blessed Be~
My name is Heather. I am 20 years old, in college, and in love. My major is psychology and minor is creative writing. I plan to be a psychologist/writer specializing in adolescents and battered women. I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world, Corbett. We plan to move to Japan and have 3 children. (Yes we already have names picked out).
Our Page
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I am a Dianic Pagan, VERY spiritual, and quite proud of it. I have friends from all religions and all walks of life. Do not place me in a stereotype. I do not fit in any. I'm a very diverse person and I like myself this way. The things most important to me in my life are my family, Corbett, my friends, my beliefs, my poetry, and music. Try to take any of those things away from me and I will fight for them even if I die trying.
This would be what I look like:
These would be some of my poems:
My Funeral
My funeral will be grand
As everyone dresses in black.
For one moment in time
Judgment people will lack
My coffin in the front
With an open door
As from my pale face
Death will unceasingly pour.
Lips of black and
Skin a silver white
I can just imagine
People looking on in fright.
Roses of red and black
And my dress of silken lace
Watching over my true friends
As tears stream down their face.
I can hear it now
"She died a peaceful death."
"She said, 'Fuck the world'
With her last breath."
"She had a smile
Upon her face when she died.
She was a good woman.
By rules she'd never bide."
"She was her own person.
She had her own ways.
She didn't conform for anyone
In any of her days."
I can see my funeral
So dark and dim.
I can hear someone singing
An ignorant, sorrowful hymn.
I hover over people
In my spiritual state,
As I thank God immensely
For taking me from what I hate.
I don't quite understand
Why tears poison peoples’ eyes.
The only joy one receives
Comes when one dies.
So as I lie in my coffin
Let me rest in my dark peace
And I shall smile above you
Thanking God for my release.
Love Suicide
Today I did the hardest thing
I’ve ever had to do.
I committed love suicide.
I ripped my soul in two.
I told you goodbye
And my world fell apart
But no matter the outcome
You’ll have a piece of my heart.
I feel incomplete again
But I know it’s what I need.
I didn’t want to let you go…
Pain my heart does bleed.
I should have realized long ago
Something in me died.
But until now I hadn’t the strength
To commit love suicide.
My heart is cold with no one to hold
And I’ve lost my light.
I feel so empty but no one could see
I lost my will to fight.
If only I could be
What I am through your eyes,
But through mine own
I am what I despise.
Strength I had not
To continue on that way
So love suicide
I committed this day.
My heart breaks at the thought
Of being alone
But it breaks even more
When love is unshown
Deserve I more than
What was given to me
So to save us both
I set you free.
My love, my soul
Come back I may,
But for now I know
This is the only way.
To find my true self
On my own I must.
If I do not, I know
For my meaning I would lust.
Our souls were entwined
With nothing to hide–
But my love it’s time to say adieu.
This is my love suicide.
Slowly I force myself to leave
Before I lose all hope.
Know that I’ll always love you
In this–My suicide note.
My Right
You don’t know shit about me
Though you pretend.
Do you even realize how many times
My life I’ve wanted to end?
Dreams I’ve had about the day
That freedom I would have.
But always something comes
To push and knock me back.
You think you know me–
No idea have you.
You don’t even realize
Half the shit I go through.
You think you have it bad,
Try being me.
Only then will you understand
My grim destiny.
First I was a witch
At the age of twelve,
And though I was Christian
I was going to hell.
Then I was a lesbian
And all the school knew.
But no one even bothered
To ask if it was true.
Next I was pregnant with a baby
To be raised by a friend and me.
That’s the reason I was fat–
Though no one tried to see
Baggy clothes I wore
To cover my imperfection.
Black clothes and makeup
Were simply a new direction.
Then I was depressed and demented
But no one understood why.
Closed minds and Bibles
Were all anyone lived by.
As time passed I became a threat
As Satan became my god.
A Christian devil-worshipper…
Is that not a little odd?
Tears I cried as no one knew
The truth about me.
Do you know what it’s like
To deny conformity?
People do anything to take away
Anything you could want.
They mock and ridicule you
As their success they flaunt.
Rumors are spread
Though no one cares
That on your sanity
Their actions ware.
Now to help you understand
Here is the truth about me.
I am who I am and no one will change
Though they will choose not to heed.
The darkness I love
I choose it over light.
That doesn’t make you wrong,
But it doesn’t make you right.
Darkness holds a beauty
Few understand well.
That doesn’t make me bad.
I’m not going to Hell.
Christian I once was–
Though Pagan I am.
I know not whether I’ll marry
A woman or a man.
The Goddess and God surround me
In everything I do.
Though you may not agree with it,
I don’t expect you to.
Love is beautiful no matter the gender
Whether it be different or the same.
If you cannot see this,
It’s only your closed mind to blame.
Growing up I was afraid
To accept myself this way.
But fuck what people think.
I am here to stay.
You think you know me but you’ve no idea
About the shit I’ve been through.
My spirit they think they weakened but they don’t know.
How my strength grew.
Tear me down they’ll try,
But again I will fight.
To be who I am and accepted
I have EVERY fucking right.
So don’t tell me you’ve been there.
Don’t tell me you understand.
Don’t bitch at me for my solitude
Until in my shoes you stand.
